Did you know that the language you use to describe your emotions can actually have an impact on how you feel? This is based on psychological theories that show that when information from your body is made meaningful through language, you begin to feel the related sensations. Interestingly, you can also create meaning and respond to others words or body language. This makes sense as we have to have some way to interpret and react to situations from moment to moment.
Here’s the thing. We all get a choice of the language we use to describe what is going on around us. But in order to do that, we have to get out of the limbic part of our brain, or what is known as our fight-or-flight mode. Michael Stein, PsyD from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America shared, “The problem is not the fact that your mind gives you negative thoughts; the problem is that you take your mind so seriously.”
Often our minds have thoughts in order to protect us from potential danger. It’s our job to take a pause, consider if it is a valid thought, and decide if there is a way that you would rather feel. Insert new words and train your brain to respond to situations differently. A good example of this is changing your language from, “I have to do ____” to “I get to do ____”. That subtle shift gives you access to different feelings. In the first example you may feel fear, dread, or disappointment. In the second, opportunity, excitement, or joy may show up. These responses will lead to different actions.
So, does this mean you will not have negative thoughts? No. But it does mean you have a choice on how you respond to these thoughts. What better time to practice than during this uncertain and emotional time of COVID-19. Plus, then people around you can benefit from how you are responding. It reminds me of the phrase, “As you go, they go.” As a parent, you are a leader in your family. And in any leadership position, you set the tone for the rest of the team. This is your opportunity to model your response to this pandemic for your children. By doing so, you give them ways to cope with the situation.
Take being calm for example. We all must do our part to avoid the spread, but this situation is also out of our control in some ways. When you choose to be calm instead of responding with panic or fear, you engage your prefrontal cortex or the thinking part of your brain. When that is engaged, you can think from a place of calmness and see different actions to take.
Recently I read “The Scary Times Success Manual” by Dan Sullivan. He wrote this in response to the fear, uncertainty, and paralysis that resulted from the 9/11 attacks. In this article, he provides 10 things a person can do from a place of calmness:
- Forget about yourself; focus on others.
- Forget about your commodity; focus on your relationships.
- Forget about the sale; focus on creating value.
- Forget about your losses; focus on your opportunities.
- Forget about your difficulties; focus on your progress.
- Forget about the “future”; focus on today.
- Forget about who you were; focus on who you can be.
- Forget about events; focus on your responses.
- Forget about what’s missing; focus on what’s available.
- Forget about your complaints; focus on your gratitude.
Everyone’s situation and experience of this pandemic is unique. While we will feel pain, uncertainty and fear, we don’t have to respond from that place. Take some time to think about what makes you calm. What gives you space to think beyond your automatic response? Exercise, nature, breathing and meditation are some strategies. What is yours? Once you identify it, take the time you need to practice. Feel free to share your thoughts or ask questions virtually. We are honored to support you.
Happy parenting,
Shelly